Everyone ends up a little down some days.  I’m not talking about the cry-for-help kind of near-suicidal thing - just the boo hoo, woe-is-me, I-miss-my-mommy, chronic-illness-has-me-down blues.  Of course, all reasons are understandable.  Job, family, money, love, worry over Vince McMahon’s health - everyone needs little pick-me-up sometimes.

I was in need of a little pick-me-up tonight … and I found it without having to rely on silly “friends” or pesky, person-to-person interaction.

If you ever find yourself needing a laugh, I wholeheartedly suggest reading the vibrator reviews on Amazon.com.

Stay with me, now!

Since it’s not a site dedicated solely to things adult, people tend to be a little … shy … with the language they use when issuing an amateur write-up.  Perhaps Amazon requires this - I wouldn’t know (yet) - but it still makes for a fun read.  That’s not all, though!

Take, for example, the reviews written for the most popular “massager” of all time (thank you, Real Sex), the Hitachi Magic Wand.

Now, don’t you ask why I was reading these in the first place - just come … *ahem* … join with me on this little fun-finding journey.

Firstly: I have never seen so many quotation marks in a product review and, to me, that, in and of itself, is hysterical.  Everyone that posts a review about this thing wants to make sure you know … that they know … what this thing really is.  It’s a great “toy” as well as a “fine” “massager” apparently intended for people who refer to themselves as “outies” - whatever that means.  It’s pure “magic” when used for “back pain and fatigue” and the occasional “crick” in the neck (wink-wink, nudge-nudge) - but don’t stick it in your “foxhole,” ’cause that shit would wake up the foxes (or “the wife“).

Secondly: Some people that review sex toys online admit to some pretty far-out things like insurance fraud for the sake of anal stimulation or toddlers putting on improvised shows with vibrating props.

Finally: There will always be at least one person (sometimes two) who has no idea how you are really supposed to use the thing.

Don’t “beat around the bush.“  Try it … the review reading, that is.  You’ll like it.  It really is great for a quick smile - at least it was for me tonight.  Come on, everything is funnier when it seems like it’s real so finding humor in people’s product reviews can’t be the biggest stretch.  It’s better than all the blog-reading and webcomic-perusing you’ll do with less time, less effort and much less pretending-to-find-things-funny.

Now, if I could just “find” my damn “credit card.”